Christian Divorces: The Biblical Approach to Separation

For Christians, divorce can be a difficult and emotional experience. Divorce goes against the traditional Christian view of marriage as a lifelong commitment and can leave individuals feeling conflicted and uncertain about their faith.

On the one hand, you know in your heart that divorce is the right path, but on the other hand, you fear that God’s wrath will descend on you. As if the divorce wasn’t hard enough. So, how can Christian divorce and human imperfections be reconciled?

Is it okay for Christians to get divorced?

Life is a complex set of grays and while a yes or no answer would be a lot neater, life doesn’t work that way. Furthermore, a Christian divorce is as messy as any other.

Many religious scholars and sages have analyzed what the Bible really tells us and how to interpret it. All of these offer slightly different angles. On the one hand, many people firmly assert that God views divorce as a sin. As proof, they will quote Jesus Christ on divorce as stated in Mark in the Standard Amendment of the Bible:

“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” [Mark 10:11-12, Revised Standard Version]”.

Interestingly, the old testament is perhaps more forgiving if you look at Deuteronomy 24:1-4: “Suppose a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she does not please him because he finds something objectionable about her, and so he writes her a certificate of divorce”.

In the latter verse, it almost seems to encourage getting a divorce.

There is always a danger in looking for black and white answers about processes and laws, because we may miss the main message. The Bible speaks of love and compassion for one another.

So if you’ve tried your best and got along with your partner, but can only bring love back into your life with a divorce, that might be okay. However, only you can answer this question and how you feel about your relationship with God.

The Biblical basis for marriage

As this Christian divorce rate article shows, there’s research on where the highest divorce rates are. On the one hand, it seems that people who regularly attend church are less likely to get divorced. However, religion does not completely protect us from human burden and neurosis.

Despite all of this, the purpose of biblical marriage is to promote family, spirituality, and community. In short, it is a sanctifying process for us to continue creating and building lives.

With this in mind, how does God view divorce? In the black and white of the scale, it is an institution created by God and anyone who breaks it goes against his will. A perhaps more modern and open view of Christian divorce is that people make mistakes.

This is even alluded to in the Book of Matthew [19:3-9, Revised Standard Version] when Jesus explains that Moses allowed a divorce to take place because it was a more peaceful way forward than the alternative.

Christian views on divorce

As you can imagine, Christianity and divorce sometimes go hand in hand. Of course, no one wants a divorce and most people tend to try their best before they eventually conclude that divorce is the only way.

Also remember that we are not perfect and sometimes need challenges, such as divorce, to help us grow. Perhaps this is how we get to the stage where we can finally have the stable and fulfilling relationships we hear about in the Bible.

Another view, as described in the article on What Jesus Really Said, is that the translation tells us that the word divorce can actually mean “leave”.

Basically, it seems like Jesus was saying that we shouldn’t kick our spouses out of the house for no reason.

Instead, we should settle it with legal procedures and grounds for divorce. Others have again supported this claim, as this Religion Online article on Divorce Theology points out that perhaps Jesus protected women from rejection by their husbands or wives, and abandoned on the street.

So perhaps it’s not the Christian concept of divorce that is wrong, but the idea that not treating people the Christian way is sinful. Even if you separate, you owe each other a caring and compassionate divorce process.

Challenges in a Christian marriage

All relationships have their specific challenges. However, having a Christian background can be both a blessing and an emotional test. This is especially true if you both look at it from different angles.

The Christian church is vast with many different beliefs and assumptions. Do not forget that these have caused wars and various troubles for centuries. Expecting to resolve these disputes in a marriage would be naive.

As always, the key to avoiding divorce in a Christian marriage is communication. Be sure to talk openly about your beliefs, including what different male and female roles are right for you. Also, remember to forgive yourself, just as God taught forgiveness. We can all be hard on ourselves, but sometimes Christians can focus so much on their sins that they forget that they are human.

So support each other through human embarrassments and work through your relationship so that the phrase “Christian divorce” never even comes up.

The impact of divorce on children

When it comes to divorce and Christianity, children should always come first. That doesn’t mean you don’t get a Christian divorce if it’s the best option for everyone, but it does mean you talk to your kids. And if you think you’ve told them enough about what’s going on, tell them more.

Legal and practical considerations

As any Christian divorce lawyer will tell you, this law is not religious and applies equally to everyone.

Of course, if you want a divorce from a Christian, you can follow the Christian process and guidelines. This is why it can be beneficial to work with a Christian lawyer because they are like-minded.

However, a Christian divorce is like any other. You must consider the financial implications, including the division of your assets. Plus, you now have the opportunity to rebuild your life as a single adult.

Of course, arrangements for children are also important. It’s both about where they live and how their school work might be affected.

As part of this, you also have to decide what happens to the family home. For example, you may need to find temporary accommodation.

Support and guidance for Christians going through divorce

Christian divorce is difficult. Any divorce is difficult, but in this case, you too may feel lost about the impact on your relationship with God. In this case, you should seek advice and support.

The process of divorce in Christianity has changed over the millennia. Ultimately, however, God’s message is to support and forgive each other, including ourselves. So study Christian divorce books and talk to people, but whatever you do, be kind to yourself.

If you still feel a loss of faith in Christianity and your divorce, don’t suffer alone. Be sure to contact an online marriage counselor to help you find clarity while remaining connected to your faith.

Getting through divorce as a Christian 

Divorce is one of the hardest life events you will ever face. Also, divorce as a Christian can break your faith and cause you more pain. Instead of being too hard on yourself, remember that there are many interpretations of the Bible. These have also led to numerous Christian views on divorce. The goal is to remember to forgive and reconcile to yourself what you feel is appropriate for your own special relationship with God.