What Is Chivalrous Behavior & Tips to Get There

“A gentleman is someone who does not know what he wants to do, but what he should do.” Regardless of your views on chivalry, the famous Japanese author Haruki Murakami has summed up his views on good manners.

This article will attempt to ask the question, how are some actions related to chivalrous behavior?

What is chivalry in a relationship?

As this chivalry dictionary etymology explains, the meaning of chivalry comes from the French word “chevalier”, which essentially means horseman or knight on horseback. While it may seem grandiose and spectacular, the knights can essentially be considered glorified rogues.

As this historical review of chivalry explains, the rule of chivalry was detailed in the Middle Ages, around the 11th or 12th century, to maintain some form of control over with the knights. Through this code, they learn how to be chivalrous to maintain their status.

Once there, it quickly evolved into the meaning of protecting those around them. The concept of chivalry was particularly aimed at women who were particularly vulnerable at the time.

Though chivalry has little to do with defending with honor, generosity and bravery. How you apply next is up to you.

What does it mean if a guy is chivalrous?

Today, the definition of chivalry in dating can be applied in a similar way. So a chivalrous man is kind, generous and caring.

If he learns this attitude, you might as well assume he’s gone from being self-centered to being able to put others before himself. Of course, there are other traits that indicate maturity, as described in this therapist’s article on maturity in a relationship.

However, revisiting the concept of chivalry is a good start. Basically, you can’t be truly honorable and generous if you can’t meet the needs of others as well as your own.

Chivalry in a relationship demonstrated with 3 examples 

Good examples of chivalry include opening doors for women, helping them put on their coats, or pulling up chairs for them. All of this may have been logistically desirable in medieval times when women wore clumsy dresses, but today chivalry can take many forms.

If you remember that the purpose of chivalry is not protection but honor and respect, these examples seem more natural in today’s world. First, ask her where she wants to go to dinner and find a compromise. A second example might be to send her the book she wants to buy instead of the obligatory flowers without much thought.

A third example of chivalry might be spending time with family and sitting through family jokes and photo albums. In short, acts of generosity show that you care about them. What do the rules and definitions of chivalry look like today?

The meaning of chivalry in a relationship doesn’t just apply to men. Women can also be respectable and generous. If you pay attention to your partner’s needs as much as your own, you will naturally become chivalrous.

What do the rules and definitions of chivalry look like today?

The chivalry meaning in a relationship doesn’t just apply to men. Women can also be honorable and generous. If you look out for your partner’s needs as much as your own, you will naturally become chivalrous.

5 ways to be more chivalrous in your relationship

If you’re looking for tips on being more chivalrous, by its current definition, here are some tips that might help you:

1. Show care and attention

How to be chivalrous is to pay attention to another partner. So when do they need help getting their coats because their minds are overloaded and they can forget?

2. Say thank you

Gratitude goes a long way in observing each other and showing what is chivalrous. To give you an inspiring example, it even helps a psychologist in her fight against cancer, as she explains in this TED talk:

3. Tokens of love

Love doesn’t just come from a touch or a small gift, it also comes from action. For example, women may also offer to drive so their male partner can take a break if they’ve had a long day.

4. No expectations 

Chivalry for a woman also means asking for nothing in return. So be polite and respectful for who you are, not for ulterior motives.

5. Be loyal and authentic 

Chivalry in a relationship must feel natural if it honors the original intent of being kind and polite. That’s not always easy, though, because it means giving up the need to constantly prioritize yourself.