Chances are good that you enjoyed the silence, and even more likely that you received it. You can clearly think of space as being there, and sometimes even claim that it helps resolve conflicts. But when does it stop caring about space, and when does it become silent therapeutic abuse?
What is Silent Treatment Abuse?
Silent treatment abuse is when a person crosses the line of “giving space” and uses the verbal disconnect or unavailability of one partner in a relationship as a weapon to manipulate another. It’s important to remember that sometimes it’s better not to say anything because saying it out loud can make things worse, or because you have nothing to say.
As is often the case, conversation can help here, but one or more partners may withdraw from verbal communication, hindering this progress, especially at the other’s expense.
When is the Silent Treatment Abusive?
Here are some telltale signs that your silence treatment is becoming abusive.
1. When employed to manipulate and control
What constitutes silent abuse is exposing the other party to indecision. The fact that they are being held for ransom and forced to obey orders whether they are right or wrong.
2. When used as a tool for punishment
The person you’re romantically involved with may mistreat or hurt you, but your reaction shouldn’t hurt them. Many reject affection and often use the silent treatment to punish the other person. If you intend to make them feel guilty, even if they’ve done something wrong, it’s instantly silent treatment abuse.
3. When it is used to manipulate emotions
In situations where unspoken treatment abuse occurs regularly in a relationship, partners can be constantly insecure.
This relentless emotional abuse will always leave people uneasy and unsure when the next wave of silent war will be triggered.
4. When it leads to depression
Is silent treatment a form of abuse? Is the silent treatment toxic?
The answer to both questions is yes, and it can be very damaging for partners who have to live with this problem all the time. It can often lead to depression that paralyzes the affairs of those involved.
If you find yourself in this situation, it may be helpful to seek ways to deal with relationship depression.
5. When it dampens self-esteem
Silent treatment can easily become abusive if it negatively affects the other person’s self-esteem. They begin to doubt themselves more and more, making it more difficult to take personal or relational actions.
6. If it is used to shift blame, always
Some people use silence to avoid responsibility for their actions or inactions. They know that you will essentially seek reconciliation by shifting the blame and having you clean up their mess, and they will.
What is the Psychology Behind Silent Treatment Abuse?
We have clarified what silent therapy abuse is and some of its symptoms. But what effect does it have on the minds of those exposed to it? To understand this, we need to examine the psychology of silent treatment. It will be as follows.
1. Creates self-doubt
One of the reasons silent treatment abuse is so problematic is because its effects are felt outside the relationship.
It manifests itself in other relationships, and even at work, the affected party begins to question all their decisions. The resulting self-doubt makes it difficult to function properly in most social situations.
2. Makes the other party feel lesser of themselves
In addition to self-doubt, you may also have thoughts that you are not good enough in your relationships, relationships with others, or even at work.
They constantly look inward, wondering what is wrong with them, can’t shake the feeling that they are the problem, and feel more and more self-doubt.
3. It creates an unequal power dynamic
Fear and suspicion arising from tacit abuse of treatment lead those receiving treatment to do whatever it takes to prevent treatment relapse.
This often makes them a “yes” person. Accepting what is thrown at us leads to distorted power relations.
How does it Affect Relationships?
The silence cure doesn’t just affect people. It affects the relationship between them. In the development of a relationship, cracks in the relationship may be clearly visible. This usually manifests itself in the form of:
1. It builds resentment
Victims of abuse continue in relationships despite depression and shattered self-esteem, but they soon develop resentment towards their partner.
They no longer have a positive view of their partner and can lash out at relatively minor issues, compounded by anger and disrespect.
2. It breaks trust
The idea that someone who loves and respects you doesn’t value you as a person, doesn’t respect your opinion, and always tries to disrespect you over affection can undermine trust. They don’t seem to care about your interests, are selfish, and the relationship is one-sided.
3. It decreases intimacy
It’s child’s play. When trust is eroded, anger and resentment take over, and one or more partners in a relationship can’t be themselves, intimacy is an option.
Conversation becomes sparse, forced, and reserved. It’s only a matter of time before the relationship breaks down if left alone.
5 ways to Deal with Silent Treatment Abuse
Silent Treatment There are all kinds of signs that abuse is not the last thing you want in any relationship.
So, if you’re wondering how to respond to silence before the relationship falls apart, here are 5 ways to do it.
1. Set boundaries
One thing you want to do is set healthy boundaries. You need to recognize that you are a committed partner and stakeholder in a relationship and be able to decide what you want to offer and what you don’t want to offer.
The key to this is paying attention. Attention should be paid to subtleties that may indicate the possibility of silent treatment. Acrimonious comments can make communication difficult or unsuccessful.
If you find this, you should immediately express your concerns. I don’t want to overdo it until I’m sure, but I also don’t want to leave it for fear of suppuration.
2. Validate their feelings
This can be quite a question, as we are asking you to ascertain the feelings of the person who is hurting you right now.
But you need to understand that they can be in pain too. Someone needs to call, but it could be you.
3. Endeavor to remain calm
The only thing worse than a pottery policeman is having two policemen in the same pottery shop. It is natural to be hurt by this situation.
But when it comes to cherishing relationships, pride and ego must be set aside.
So stop, take a deep breath, and do your best to keep your cool like a “Shaolin monk.” Remember that you are looking for answers and solutions, not conflicts.
4. Encourage healthy methods of communication
Another reason your partner uses silence, even if it’s wrong, is that you haven’t figured out how to communicate properly yet.
They may have some problems they want to solve and don’t know how to proceed, and they may have unconsciously developed a habit of withdrawing.
You can achieve these by learning and sharing healthy communication techniques. Then you will have no choice but to meet in the middle to have a constructive conversation.
5. Find the root problems
The goal is to identify the problem and find a way to fix it, not to assign blame. All problems have an underlying cause, and addressing this will prevent future instances of silent treatment abuse.
The best course of action is to prioritize open communication and mutual understanding. This should not be construed as an attack or ambush on another person. Rather, it is important to find common ground and work towards solutions that benefit both partners.
When the silent treatment is the right approach
While susceptible to abuse, it may actually be the correct approach. Find out more now.
1. Deescalating a situation
When things heat up, all attempts to communicate or move things forward continue to fail. It’s not such a bad idea to let your sleeping dog lie down while you continue the conversation at another time.
Applying pressure in a tense situation can cause stress and strain on those involved. It can change the situation and transcend the status quo.
2. When space is necessary
Everyone has a different way of coping with pain and injury. Some people prefer to go ahead and finish it, while others prefer to take a short break to consider the best course of action.
In cases like this, it’s best to respect their decision. If you don’t do this, you could be seen as a bully in the situation and a very insensitive person.
3. It can be used to create boundaries
Taking a step back from the conversation is a great way to draw the line when the situation calls for it. Suppose you are dealing with someone who belittles or bullies you. Simply walking away, even temporarily, is a clear indication that such behavior is not going to work.