10 Signs to Identify the Scapegoat Syndrome in Marriage

Marital scapegoat syndrome is a psychological phenomenon that can adversely affect relationships. Derived from the concept of family blame, this syndrome involves a partner being blamed or being unfairly targeted for marital problems.

This article will dive into 10 signs of marital scapegoat syndrome, unraveling patterns and destructive behaviors that can occur when a partner becomes a scapegoat.

Understanding these signs can help couples identify and deal with this toxic dynamic, which will ultimately promote healthier and more harmonious relationships.

What is a scapegoat in a marriage?

In the context of marriage, the scapegoat is the spouse who is blamed, unfairly targeted, or burdened with relationship problems. This phenomenon, known as scapegoat syndrome, involves one partner being seen as a source of trouble or conflict, while the other partner remains innocent.

The family scapegoat can also be extended to the husband and wife relationship, leading to harmful motivations and behaviors.

Some examples of marital blame may include constant criticism, emotional manipulation, and unfair accusations. Recognizing the signs of scapegoat is crucial to addressing and addressing this damaging dynamic in a marriage.

10 signs you are the scapegoat in your marriage

Being the scapegoat in your marriage can make you feel unfairly blamed, criticized, and targeted, while your partner remains innocent. Here are 10 signs that you might be a scapegoat in your marriage, based on scapegoat theory and examples of family scapegoats:

1. Unfair blame

Rabelani Mulaudzi and other authors, in a 2022 study), found that when you are regularly blamed and abused for problems in your marriage, even if it’s not your fault, then you is the scapegoat in his marriage.

Your partner may be constantly pointing the finger at you, making you feel like you’re responsible for everything.

2. Emotional manipulation

Your partner uses emotional manipulation tactics to make you feel guilty, ashamed, or incompetent. They may use your weaknesses against you, trying to control and manipulate your emotions to their advantage.

3. Constant criticism

Your partner is constantly criticizing and demeaning you, often in front of others or in an insulting way. They can scrutinize and find fault in everything you do, making you feel incompetent and worthless.

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4. Isolation

Your partner isolates you from friends, family, or other support systems, making you feel isolated and dependent on them. This can further sustain scapegoat momentum, as you have limited access to outside perspectives or support.

5. Unequal treatment

Your partner treats you differently than other family members or treats you like the “black sheep” of the family. They may show favoritism to other family members, which further strengthens your scapegoat role.

6. Double standards

Your partner imposes higher standards or unfair expectations on you without being held accountable for similar behavior. They may have double standards of conduct, responsibility or obligation, making you feel unfairly treated.

7. Gaslighting

When there is scapegoat syndrome in a marriage, one partner turns against the other, denying or minimizing their perceptions, feelings, or experiences. They can invalidate your emotions or distort reality, making you question your own sanity and thought processes.

8. Lack of empathy

In his article, Dr Al Ubaidi (2017) says that your partner’s lack of empathy for your feelings, needs or concerns is a sign that you are a scapegoat. They may dismiss your feelings or be indifferent to your difficulties, leaving you unsupported and unheard.

9. Emotional abuse

Your partner engages in emotionally abusive behavior toward you, such as shouting, name calling, or threats. They may use fear, intimidation, or aggression to maintain control over you and maintain the scapegoat.

10. Low self-esteem

Being the scapegoat in your marriage can have a significant impact on your self-esteem and self-worth. You may constantly doubt yourself, feel unworthy or lack confidence due to constantly receiving negative messages from your partner.

If you identify some of these signs, it’s important to realize that you may be in an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. It’s important to prioritize your health and take steps to combat scapegoat syndrome. Taking steps to address it can lead to healthier and more balanced relationships.

What to do if you are the scapegoat in your marriage?

If you find yourself acting as a scapegoat in your marriage, it’s important to take steps to address the unhealthy dynamics of scapegoat syndrome. First, realize that you are not responsible for every problem in your marriage. Reframe your thinking and avoid absorbing unfair accusations.

Communicate openly with your partner about how you feel and express your boundaries confidently. Seek support from trusted friends and family members. Learn about blaming families and seek professional help to navigate complex dynamics. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and fairness in your marriage.