Allowing behavior in relationships can be harmful and counterproductive, often leading to cycles of dependence and dysfunction. If you’re constantly encouraging your partner’s unhealthy behavior, it may be time to take a step back and learn how to stop being a trailblazer.
In this article, we examine his five practical ways to break the cycle that enables and promotes healthier relationships based on mutual respect and responsibility.
What does it mean to be an enabler?
It is important to understand the importance of enablers and to be aware of their behavior. Enabling behavior refers to behavior that enables or encourages someone to continue with unhealthy or harmful behaviors such as addiction or codependency.
So, what does it mean to enable someone?
Clinical psychologist Amy Dalamath, Ph.D., says that as an enabler, you may be unintentionally contributing to the problem rather than helping it.
10 signs or characteristics of an enabler
Forgiving behavior is often subtle and can go unnoticed, but it can have serious consequences in relationships. It’s important to recognize the signs and take action to learn how to stop being a trailblazer. Here are 10 common signs of an enabler:
1. Ignoring or minimizing the problem
Enablers often downplay the seriousness of the problem at hand, whether it’s an addiction or some other harmful activity. They may find excuses or justify their actions to prevent the person from facing the consequences of their actions.
2. Rescuing or fixing
Enablers may have a strong desire to save loved ones from the consequences of their actions. According to a medically reviewed article by Granite Recovery Centers, they may be constantly intervening to fix their problems, which may discourage them from taking responsibility for their actions.
3. Overcompensating
Enablers can compensate for their opponent’s shortcomings and imperfections by overcompensating in other areas.
One of her enabling examples is hiding her partner’s addiction by micromanaging their life.
4. Sacrificing personal boundaries
Enablers often sacrifice their own needs and limitations to suit others. They may neglect their own well-being, finances, and values in order to avoid conflict or maintain peace.
Your willingness to sacrifice for your partner can be a positive quality, but it should not go beyond certain limits. Moderation is essential when it comes to harming the interests of your partner.
5. Avoiding confrontation
The enabler may avoid confronting the person about the harmful enabling act for fear that it will upset the other person or damage the relationship. They are likely to sidestep problems rather than tackle them head-on and set healthy boundaries.
6. Enabling through financial support
An enabler can provide the person with financial support, even if it enables unhealthy behavior. This may include rescuing them from financial hardship caused by their irresponsibility, or lending them money on an ongoing basis without liability.
7. Denial or enabling through denial
They may deny or ignore the reality of the situation, even when it is clear that the person is committing a harmful act. You can ignore concerns raised by others or justify your actions to protect that person from consequences.
8. People-pleasing
Enablers often have a strong desire to please others and may go to great lengths to avoid conflict. This can lead to possible behaviors, such as always catering to the person’s needs or trying to make the other person happy at the expense of one’s own well-being.
9. Codependency
Enablers can be co-dependent with those they enable, making them unhealthily over-dependent on each other. This can make it difficult for the enabler to set boundaries and break free from enabling behavior.
10. Allowing excuses and manipulation
“Enablers” are easily shaken by requests for sympathy, promises of change, and threats of negative consequences if they don’t support, says Darlene Lancer, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
5 ways to stop being an enabler in a relationship
Once you realize you’ve helped someone in a relationship, it’s important to take positive steps to break out of this harmful pattern. Here are five ways to stop being a pioneer in love.
1. Set clear and healthy boundaries
Setting clear boundaries is important to stop activation behavior. Be clear about what you can and cannot tolerate, and communicate those limitations to your loved ones.
2. Stop rescuing
Resist the urge to help or solve the person’s problem. Let them face the consequences of their actions and learn from their mistakes.
3. Encourage accountability
Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions and hold them accountable for their actions. This may mean refusing to cover up or bail them out.
4. Seek support
Learning how to stop supporting someone on your own can be difficult. Seek the support of a relationship therapist to help you navigate this process.
An expert can help identify problematic traits and behaviors and suggest ways to deal with them in healthy ways.
5. Practice self-care
Taking care of yourself is very important to get out of possible behavior. Make time to have fun, take care of your physical and mental health, and establish a support system for yourself.