What Not to Say to Someone Getting Divorced: 7 Things

You have to have the courage to fight for your love, but there’s so much more to it if you want to end your marriage.

A late night call from a good friend telling you he’s filing for divorce might shock you, but wait. Before you say anything, you need to know what not to say to the person getting a divorce.

We understand.

It also hurts to know that a friend is going through this difficult time, but knowing what to say to someone about to divorce is a must!

7 things to never say to a friend going through a divorce

Your friend needs you.

So it makes sense that we know what not to say to someone who is getting a divorce. The last thing we want is to sprinkle salt on the wound.

Before you give your advice for someone getting a divorce, think carefully and avoid blurting out the following:

1. Good thing you didn’t have kids together, right?

No one wants a divorce. It is a sensitive topic in itself.

Remember, you don’t know their struggles, so it’s cruel to say they don’t have children. Some may miscarry, while others want to have children but cannot.

Instead of making your friend feel better, you may be adding to their pain.

2. Who cheated?

If your friend tells you he’s getting a divorce, don’t get excited about asking who the cheater was first.

Be tactful and know that there can be other factors that cause a once beautiful marriage to fall apart. It’s not okay to assume someone is cheating.

3. That’s so sad. You two looked so happy together

Some couples work very hard for their families, but they also realize it when they have to divorce.

In these cases, it would be insensitive to say that they looked very happy as a couple. They probably know this, and reminding your friend about this can cause them to go into defensive mode.

4. Why so sudden? Did you try marriage counseling?

“Can someone refuse to get divorced? Have you tried marriage counseling?”

We understood. You want to try to help your friend, but he’s probably trying his best to keep his marriage up. Getting similar comments about how they can mend their marriage won’t help them.

5. Hey! Tell me everything? Was it your in-laws or money?

Some couples want to keep their divorce as private as possible. However, some people just know how to tell if someone is about to get a divorce.

Worse, they’ll call you and start asking intrusive questions.

Instead of getting help, your friend may feel overwhelmed, disrespected, and alone.

6. Don’t let your ex see your kids, and make sure they know what he or she did to you!

Here’s what not to say to someone about to get divorced: “Make sure your kids hate their mom or dad.”

Divorce is a long and difficult process, especially when children are involved. Telling your friend to keep their children away from their other parents is not necessarily the best support your friend needs right now. In fact, it’s not good to do so.

7. I knew your ex was bad news. You didn’t listen to me!

We understood. You love your friend and are relieved that it’s finally over, but remember to be tactful.

Don’t scold and blame your friend for not seeing things clearly. They don’t need that. What they need is love, understanding, non-judgmental friends and support.

How do you deal with a friend going through a divorce?

A friend going through a divorce was hard enough.

Now that you know what not to say to someone who is divorcing, it’s time to learn about the many ways you can support your friend:

1. Know what to say to someone getting divorced.
2. Help them if they need to move out.
3. Be there and listen to them.
4. Help them get back on their feet.
5. Be with them when they need you.
6. Respect them and their decisions.
7. Don’t press for details. Allow them to heal first.
8. Hug your friend. They need this a lot.
9. Ask if they need anything and offer help if you can.
10. Don’t judge them or their decisions.

Some commonly asked questions

Here are answers to some pressing questions that may help clear up your doubts about what not to say to your impending divorce:

• What not to say to a divorced woman?

We pretty much know what not to say to someone in a divorce. Trust us, there can be a lot of seemingly harmless things that actually cause pain.

For example, as a friend, you should never say the following to a divorced woman.

1. Too bad. You don’t have any kids. Now you don’t have a husband either.
2. You’re so lucky you always have your ‘alone’ time.
3. I knew it. You didn’t listen to me.
4. I’m so sorry you didn’t find a good husband.
5. You’ll find a better man. Don’t worry.

As you can see, some of them seem harmless, but for those involved, it could be a sharp knife stabbing their heart.

• How do you comfort a friend going through a divorce?

One thing we all want to do for a friend who is about to get a divorce is help and support them, but how?

It is not difficult. In addition to knowing what not to say to the person getting divorced, you just need to remember to be sensitive, empathetic, patient and, of course, non-judgmental.

Let them know you are there for them if they need you, but also learn to respect their time.

The main goal here is to make your friend feel like you are there to listen, support, understand and help.