10 Possible Reasons Why My Husband Won’t Touch Me

“Nothing relieves suffering like human touch.” Chess grandmaster Bobby Fischer wasn’t just talking about chess strategy when he said those words.

We all need comfort and affection through touch, so when you think, “My husband won’t touch me,” it’s natural to feel nervous and alienated.

What does it mean when my spouse won’t touch me?

When you think, “My husband doesn’t want me to touch him,” the first thing to do is not to panic. When something goes wrong, we often conclude that something is wrong with us, but more often than not there is something wrong with someone else.

Intimacy and physical touch seem simple, but the complex mix of emotions, feelings, and thoughts drives them. For example, some people may have unconsciously learned to distance themselves from others when they are stressed or feel inadequate.

Regardless of what unhealthy coping mechanisms you or your husband have in place, these often have a huge impact on intimacy. Plus, we can have biological problems, meaning we can’t have sex like we used to.

Of course, we cannot forget the other side of the equation. Sometimes your spouse may get frustrated and wonder if this is the right relationship. Again, don’t panic. It is completely normal to doubt our relationship at different stages.

When looking at the problem, “my husband won’t touch me”, the trick is to think about how you will support each other to solve the problem and figure out the next direction.

10 potential causes behind your spouse not touching you

If you’re wondering “What’s the reason my husband doesn’t touch me,” consider these possible causes and remember that there’s always something you can change. It doesn’t have to be like this forever.

1. Fear of inadequacy

We are all constantly changing, and as we get older we can start to question ourselves, especially as our bodies change. Furthermore, it can translate into a fear of not being good enough.

2. Stress 

Fear and stress are closely linked and are a major cause of sexual problems. So if you’re thinking “he won’t touch me,” what can you do to support him emotionally?

As this study of stress and sexual function shows, men tend to be more affected by personal burnout, while women are more stressed by specific work-related problems with sexual desire.

3. Libido problems 

If you’re still wondering, “Why doesn’t my husband touch me,” have you considered a mental or biological problem? Not only does stress cause libido problems, but lack of sleep, depression, and substance abuse can all reduce sex drive.

Women also suffer from this condition and both sexes can experience biological problems. As a clinic recap, there are many diseases and conditions that can lead to low sex drive.

4. Seeking an unrealistic fantasy 

When discussing the issue of “my husband won’t touch me”, it should be noted that there are people who are still striving for a perfect world. For example, some people live in the Hollywood fantasy while others may live their lives wishing to be where the grass is supposed to be greener.

In these cases, you should seek marriage counseling so you both can learn to accept this messy and imperfect world. In addition, a counselor can guide you to find the right path forward.

5. No communication 

Being emotional is vulnerable. In addition, to truly open up to others, we need to communicate deeply about our inner thoughts and feelings. Intimacy works as much in our bodies as it does in our souls.

6. Feeling unheard 

When someone feels underappreciated, they don’t have the confidence to give up. In short, they will be on the defensive and at this point no one wants to be intimate. Thus, “my husband won’t touch me” becomes reality.

7. Emotional turmoil 

If you’re wallowing in the thought “My husband doesn’t want me to touch him,” he may be overwhelmed by his emotions and confused. Many men mistakenly believe that they should not be in touch with their emotions, but in reality, this distances them from others.

As this article points out, touch and emotion work both ways. Therefore, we feel emotions through touch, but our emotional state affects how we perceive touch.

8. Insecurity

No matter how confident they seem, many people still have low self-esteem. So, if you’re wondering “Why doesn’t my husband touch me,” how can you make him feel safe and valued?

9. Boredom 

Sexual boredom can strike at any time, so don’t panic if you think, “My husband is not interested in me physically. Maybe you just need to spice things up again.

While interesting, as this Atlantic article suggests, it seems that women tend to experience sexual boredom more than men. So if you’re giving off boring vibes, get creative and ask your husband to try new things.

10. Too much pressure 

Relationships are a delicate balance between me and us. When one person feels too much pressure because the other person seems needy or clingy, they can turn off the phone. This then creates a vicious push-pull dynamic.

As always, it’s about communication and problem-solving together to find a way to meet the needs of both of you.

5 tips to get your spouse to touch you again 

While there are many good reasons, it’s important that you reconnect with your relationship. As this study of the language of social contact explains, touch is an intuitive process that we all need to improve our emotional communication.

1. Talk 

As mentioned, communication is key. In this case, you want to be open with each other. For example, how can you share your feelings and feelings about the matter of not being touched?

It should be noted that my statements help keep the discussion blameless. When you say, “I feel lonely/useless/sad,” it helps your partner feel empathy. This is in contrast to the statement, “Why don’t you touch me, and what’s wrong with you.”

In the first case, you involve them in the problem to find a solution together. In this last statement, you are blaming your partner, which will only put him on the defensive.

Then they are more likely to exclude you, and suddenly the phrase “my husband won’t touch me” has come true.

2. Plan some dates 

Sometimes we have to piece together what it was like to fall in love for the first time. Preparing to go out on a date is a fun part of building expectations, which can then lead to intimacy.

Also, dating takes you out of your everyday life, which can then spark your curiosity for each other. It’s a powerful motivator to end the “husband won’t touch me” cycle.

3. Try something new 

As you spark curiosity about each other, you might as well try new hobbies. Otherwise, go to different events where you can meet new people. Meeting new people can inspire you to see things differently, including each other.

4. Get playful 

As this article on the Benefits of Gambling for Adults explains, gambling is both enjoyable and rejuvenating. So when you’re stuck with the thought “My husband won’t touch me,” try thinking about how to play more, including the game.

5. Get professional help 

In the end, we all owe it to ourselves to give our relationships a chance. So if you’re still feeling stuck, reach out to a marriage counselor and get some advice and support.